Why Saying 'I’m Fine' Is a Red Flag

We all do it. Someone asks how we are, and we say “I’m fine.” It slips out automatically: tidy, non-committal, safe.

But for many women, “I’m fine” isn’t neutral. It’s a red flag. A sign that what we really mean is:

• I don’t feel safe enough to tell you the truth.
• I don’t want to burden you.
• I don’t have the words for what I’m feeling.
• I’m holding it together with tape and string, and if I start talking, I might unravel.

The Psychology Behind “I’m Fine”

Trauma researchers call this an emotional bypass: the mind’s way of protecting us from vulnerability. Saying “I’m fine” creates distance between us and our truth, but it also cuts us off from the possibility of connection.

It’s often a survival strategy. For women who’ve been socialised to care for others before themselves, minimising struggle feels safer than admitting need. But long-term, this suppression carries a cost: higher stress, loneliness, and disconnection from self.

Why It Matters on the Trail

Trail running gives us a mirror. We know what it looks like to push through fatigue, to ignore a niggle until it becomes an injury. Saying “I’m fine” in life is the same pattern. It’s the body and mind whispering a warning: but the words come out muted.

Just like ignoring a rolled ankle can take you out of a race, ignoring emotional pain by labelling it “fine” can quietly erode wellbeing.

Creating Safety for Truth

The antidote isn’t forcing vulnerability. It’s creating environments where honesty feels safe. That starts with us, and it ripples out.

• Check in with yourself honestly. Instead of “fine,” try naming the smallest truth: “I’m tired,” “I’m a bit overwhelmed,” or “I’m doing okay, but it’s been a lot.”
• Model honesty with others. When you go beyond “fine,” you give permission for them to do the same.
• Find your safe circle. Not every space is safe for full honesty: but every woman deserves at least one. A friend, a coach, a community where the truth is welcome.

The Red Flag Reframed

So next time you hear yourself say “I’m fine,” pause. Is it just a reflex, or is it a red flag?
If it’s the latter, what would it take, even in the smallest way, to name what’s really true?

Because the trail teaches us this: pretending we’re not limping doesn’t get us further. Listening, naming, and adjusting does.

Reflection Prompt

• When do I default to saying “I’m fine”? What truth might be sitting underneath, waiting to be named?