Not Everything That’s Heavy Is Yours to Carry

Some burdens are visible, the packed schedule, the never-ending to-do list. Others are inherited, absorbed, or silently assigned. Over time, we learn to carry them as if they were ours by choice. But much of what feels heavy in women’s lives has less to do with personal limits, and more to do with cultural inheritance.

Inherited Weight

Across generations, women have been socialised to absorb responsibility: for harmony in the home, for care of children and elders, for smoothing the edges of conflict. Studies in Australia confirm this pattern: even as paid work hours rise, women still carry the lion’s share of unpaid domestic and care labour. Overseas, the OECD data tells the same story: women consistently contribute more total hours when all forms of labour are counted.

These patterns are not just logistical. They become psychological. We internalise the idea that carrying more is a marker of love, worth, or moral strength.

The Subtle Load

The most insidious burdens are rarely named. A 2024 WOSELA study highlights how women often compromise boundaries, suppress needs, or mute desires to maintain relationship stability. This “invisible work” doesn’t clock hours, but it drains emotional reserves.

It’s not just the work of doing. It’s the work of holding: others’ emotions, expectations, disappointments. This form of carrying is heavy precisely because it is unseen.

Learning to Set It Down

What makes this weight so difficult is that it rarely feels optional. The inheritance is quiet, so the act of putting it down can feel like betrayal. But setting it down is not abandonment; it’s reclamation.

Research from ANROWS notes that women navigating life after coercive control often describe this very shift: distinguishing what was imposed on them from what truly belongs to them. Naming the difference is the first step in lightening the load.

The Trail as Teacher

On the trail, we are reminded daily of what matters. You do not pack extra weight for sentiment. You do not carry what will slow you to a halt. Every piece of gear has to earn its place.

Life deserves the same discernment. Ask: Does this weight belong to me? Or am I carrying it out of guilt, habit, or someone else’s expectation?

Not everything that’s heavy is yours to carry.